21st Review

When someone hurts us, our children, or someone we love, gossips behind our back, or simply acts in ways that confound us, we can focus on it for hours or days. We can’t stop thinking about how the things the person said were unkind, untrue, and self-centered. Their image and their words keep resurfacing.

How can we stop being caught up in other people’s thoughts? How can we stop thinking about a person or situation and what we should have or could have done differently when the same thoughts keep looking back, rewinding, and playing through our mind again and again?

1.       “less said, more time.”

Letting more time pass when we’re dealing with a difficult, reactive person is almost always a smart move. With time, the thing we’re annoyed about often just falls away.

2.       “Let’s just wait and see what happens next.”

Give ourselves permission to wait and see what happens next.

3.       Move away from the blame game.

Picking apart past events and trying to assign blame (including blaming yourself) is rarely productive. Bad things and misunderstandings most often “happen’ through a series of events, like a domino effect. No one person is entirely to blame for the end result.

4.       “Try no to fall into other people’s states of minds.”

5.       “Deal with your biggest problem first.”

No matter what’s happened, the biggest problem we face is our own anger.in that sense, our anger really is our biggest problem. Deal with yourself before you deal with anyone else.

6.       “When you’re angry it wrinkles the mind.”

You can’t think clearly or be creative or thoughtful about how best to handle any situation when you’re mad. If you want to think clearly, you can’t be mad at anything.

7.       “Don’t try to figure others out.”

if others tried to figure out what you’re thinking, or what your motivations are, how right do you think they’d be? They probably wouldn’t have a clue as to what’s really going through your mind. So why try to figure out what others are thinking? Chances are extremely good that you would be wrong.

8.       Your thoughts are not facts.

Don’t treat them as if they are. In other don’t believe everything you think. We often take this as a sign that our thoughts must be facts. When we emotionally hijacked by worry, regret, fear, anxiety, or anger, we must to remember that theemotional  we experience is real but not true.

9.       How can you grow from this?

When we’re able to be present with our feelings, and inquire why we’re experiencing such a strong reaction and what our feelings tell us about ourselves. Center your thoughts on growth.

10.   “don’t ever put anyone out of your heart, not even you.”

11.   You’re not a time magician.

You can’t change what happened.

12.   Forgive, for your sake.

We forgive so that we can live free of the acute suffering that comes with holding onto the past.

13.   Occupy a different mind space.

Watch all of your thought pass by you.

14.   Send them loving kindness.

when you can’t stop thinking about someone who’s hurt you, surround them with kindness until your anger fades.

15.   Take a 90 second time out.

To free your mind, you first have to break your thought pattern. Neuropsychiatrist says “after 90 seconds an emotion will arise and fall like a wave on the shore.”